If You Only Knew
by Synnerxx
Summary: Merton is angsty, Tommy is oblivious, and Lori sees everything.


**Pairings: Tommy/Merton, Tommy/Lori**

**Warnings: Slash, het**

**Author's Notes: Written for misura for help_haiti on livejournal. My first BWoC fic, so yay! Review, loves!**

* * *

Merton stared at the flickering candle flame. How could it be so hard to tell him how he felt? How could he keep secrets from him, lie to him, avoid him? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be, not the way he had imagined it all in his head.

Tommy was his best friend, his first true friend. And how did he repay him? By falling in love with him and then not even being brave enough to tell him how he felt. Why did life always have to be so difficult for him? Why couldn't he find some nice Goth girl to settle down with eventually? Why did he have to fall in love with the one person in this entire world he could never have?

He hated the ache in his chest that throbbed whenever he saw Tommy and Lori together, acting like the couple they were. He had gotten close to telling Tommy how he felt several times, but he always chickened out in the end, saying something stupid and random.

It also seemed to be his punishment that Tommy always came to him whenever he needed advice (which Merton had no idea why Tommy would come to him for that, though he was flattered) or when he wanted to talk about how some date of his and Lori's went, and how he was just so happy now.

It made Merton want to crawl under a rock and hide from the world. He never wanted Tommy to find out how he felt, but on the other hand, he was getting tired of dealing with the weight of his secret all by himself. It was becoming unbearable and the pain was excruciating.

He had the feeling that Lori suspected that something was going on with his feelings for Tommy. The looks she gave the two of them when they were together made Merton sure she knew exactly how he felt. He just hoped that she wasn't planning on killing him any time soon. He was too young to die.

His thoughts were interrupted by Tommy knocking on his door then walking in. "Hey Merton. Didn't see you much at school. Something wrong?"

Merton glanced up at him from behind his computer screen. "Nope. Why would there be?" _Just, you know, the fact that I love you so much and you'd hate me if you ever knew. Other than that, I'm just peachy, thank you very much._

"Just wondering. You've been kinda distant lately. Lori's even concerned." Tommy settled on his bed, eying him curiously.

"Oh, well, just busy with school work. Nothing more than that." Merton laughed nervously.

"Okay. Well, wanna watch a movie?" Tommy nodded, accepting the lie easily.

"Sure. You pick it." Merton said, the fake smile sliding off his face as Tommy didn't even bat an eyelash as he lied to him. That hurt. He thought Tommy knew him better than that. He sighed and headed for his couch and sank onto it.

Tommy had chosen 'Aliens' for them to watch and had found a half-empty bag of potato chips on the floor beside the couch. He munched on them happily, offering some to Merton, who declined.

As the movie progressed and Tommy finished off the bag of chips, wiping his hand on his jeans, he draped an arm across the back of the couch, barely brushing the back of Merton's neck and sending shivers down his spine.

Tommy felt him shake and looked over at him. "You cold?"

"What? No." Merton shook his head to clear it.

Tommy dropped his arm down onto his shoulders comfortingly. "It's almost to the best part."

Gradually, without either of them really noticing it, they had slid across the cushions to sit pressed right up against each other from shoulder to knee.

When the credits rolled across the screen, Tommy turned to look at Merton and was surprised at how close they were sitting. With a start, he realised he liked it and didn't want to move even to turn off the TV and put the movie back in its' case.

Merton shifted and glanced up at Tommy, feeling the other's eyes on him. _Close enough to kiss._ He frowned at himself. Thoughts like that were only torture.

Tommy noticed the slight frown that crossed Merton's face and wondered what was bothering the Goth. Then he shocked himself even more by wondering what it would be like to kiss him, feel him stretched out beneath him on the couch. He leaned closer, tongue flicking out to wet his suddenly dry lips.

Merton blinked as Tommy leaned down further towards him, Tommy's tongue darting out to swipe across his lips. Merton's eyes dropped to his lips to watch the simple action. He found himself leaning up into Tommy.

_Am I really going to do this? _Tommy thought desperately. The answer was a resounding yes. He met Merton's eyes, looking for anything that might even hint that the other boy didn't want this. There was nothing but a faint, fragile hope and love.

_Is he really going to do this? _Merton thought, disbelief flashing through him before it was gone, replaced with anticipation as the answer, he saw in Tommy's eyes, was yes.

The kiss was soft, hesitant. Chaste at first, each unwilling to break the spell of having their lips caress each other for the first time. Then Tommy's tongue slipped out and traced the seam of Merton's lips, silently asking for entrance. Merton parted his lips and met Tommy's tongue with his own as they began to dance, curling around each other in moves so familiar yet so new.

They gently broke apart and smiled at each other. Tommy cupped Merton's cheek and Merton kissed his wrist.

"I love you." Tommy whispered to Merton, fingers stroking his face.

Merton met his eyes. "If you only knew how long I've waited to hear those words. I love you too."

Tommy smiled and kissed him again.

Maybe life wasn't so hard after all.


End file.
